In the case of the horses, Sharron said that other arrangements were made with a friend of the victim to keep them safe.

“I never did have to actually do that,” she said, referring to getting the horses to a safe home. “But I did find a place for them.”

Now, after 37 years with the organization, Sharron is retiring from Kedish House. The former director said that she’s proud of how the organization has evolved from being thought of as “this scary place that breaks up families” to one that is recognized and supported by its community. 

The early years

When she first began working at Kedish House, Sharron didn’t know much about domestic violence or sexual assault. She had previously been working for a lawyer who helped with Kedish House’s tax work and nonprofit status paperwork. The founding director of Kedish House, Sandi Lanes, would stop by the lawyer’s office often and would talk with Sharron about the work that she was starting.

Sharron kept in touch with Sandi, and later, when Sharron was attending Northern State University in Aberdeen, SD, she found out through one of her classes that she could work at Kedish House while earning college credit. She quickly became heavily involved with the organization, and after about a year of working with Sandi, Sharron became the director of Kedish House.

She said that a lot has changed since then, primarily the public’s perception of domestic and sexual violence.

“Domestic violence back then was something that was very hidden. [It] wasn’t talked about or anything,” she said. “When I first started, if I went to do a booth at an event or something, I finally discovered I had to offer some prizes to get anybody to even come up to my booth and talk to me or anything…I think they just felt that if anybody saw them come over to the booth, that meant they were talking to me about something they shouldn’t be.”

She said that now, through training and public education, awareness around domestic and sexual violence has certainly improved. 

“It is seldom I do a presentation that someone doesn’t come up to me and relate about a person they know who has experienced domestic violence,” she said. 

Sharron recalled one of those presentations as a time she will never forget. 

She was cleaning up her things after a presentation when a man approached her and said, “I really want to thank you for doing what you’re doing. I think if there were services like this that would have been available when my sister was being abused, that she’d still be alive.” 

“And I can remember being very, very shocked when he told me that,” Sharron said. “I said, ‘Well, I just really am sorry that, you know, there wasn’t something back then that could have helped her.’” 

She said that things have gotten better over the years due to more education and abuse being talked about in the media. She explained that now, there are very few people in her community who haven’t heard of Kedish House and the work they do. 

And education and awareness aren’t the only things that have gotten better over the years. Sharron said one of the things that she is most proud of is how far Kedish House itself has come from its origins. When the organization first started, it was a lone desk in a corner of a church.

“It was a big old wooden desk with no storage space in it,” Sharron said with a laugh.

She said that Kedish House wasn’t able to find a building that it could afford for many years, but they were able to rent and eventually buy the building that they are currently in after some time. 

“When we bought the building, and we had an actual home…I was pretty proud of that,” she said.

But Sharron hasn’t forgotten an important piece of Kedish House’s history.

“I still use that desk,” she said, referring to what was once the only marking of Kedish House’s existence.

Facing challenges

While she has seen progress in many areas over the years, she does still have some concerns about the movement against domestic and sexual violence. She noted that working alongside the criminal justice system has been challenging at times. 

“More recently, with some of the court decisions I see, or judges not signing restraining orders or protection orders and other things on the news, it feels like we are going backwards in the justice system at times,” she said. “It is discouraging to victims to leave a bad situation after they have finally been able to make that decision, only to find there is not a protection order to help them feel more safe.”

Sharron also said that advancements in technology have made navigating abusive situations more complex. GPS trackers and other monitoring devices were once things that she never would have thought of, she said. She said at times it can feel like just as one problem is solved, another arises, but Sharron is still hopeful about facing new challenges. 

“We’re going to deal with all those things just like we have in the past with some of the things that we’ve dealt with and made better,” she said.

‘Guiding lights’

Sharron’s work was supported by many people and organizations, both in her community and across North Dakota.

She said she admires her community partners, particularly law enforcement and medical professionals, who are responding to crisis situations every day. She said that she depended on them many times, and the work they do is not easy. 

She said churches, local businesses, and community members are a big help to Kedish House. They have volunteered, attended events, and donated food, money, and furniture in order to help Kedish House help victims.

Sharron cited Bonnie Palacek and Myrt Armstrong as strong advocates for women and leaders in her work.

Bonnie Palecek was the founding director of the North Dakota Council on Abused Women’s Services, now known as CAWS North Dakota. CAWS North Dakota is the state coalition working to end domestic and sexual violence. The coalition supports 19 domestic violence/sexual assault victim advocacy centers across the state, including Kedish House. 

Myrt Armstrong worked as the Executive Director of the Mental Health Association of North Dakota for many years. 

Both women dedicated much of their lives to advocating for those who are most vulnerable in society. They supported victim advocates, wrote and lobbied for legislation, and raised money to help those in need. Their leadership empowered many others, including Sharron, to do the same.

“Those two women were my guiding lights to follow,” she said. 

Advice for new advocates

Sharron estimates that she helped about 3,700 people during her time with Kedish House, a number she said she was shocked with once she thought about it. She said that helping people go on to hopefully live a better life always made her feel good, but it wasn’t always easy. 

“It takes courage to be involved in some of the things I’ve witnessed. Sometimes I’ve been in danger and have been threatened myself and sought restraining orders,” she said.

Despite this, her core message to new advocates is to not give up or get discouraged. 

“Life can take some very strange curves sometimes and you can feel that a situation is impossible to help, but there is always that hope that I’ve somehow, in some small way, assisted that victim and their kids to have a better life,” she said.

Sharron said that sometimes we help people without even knowing that we’ve helped them. Abuse can go on for several generations if help is not received, she said, and helping a family escape violence can lead the children to grow up to be in healthy relationships instead of abusive ones. 

She said that for new advocates, there are going to be discouraging things that happen along the way, but she wants them to know that the joy and happiness she has seen through her work has made it worth it. 

“Those sleepless nights and all the stress is worth it when I see smiles where once there was only tears,” she said.